My Favorite Poem (Love or Otherwise)

I am a man who loves poetry.  Once upon a time it was all that you could get to come out of my mouth…a steady stream of metaphor, simile and a hundred different variations of style.  When I took a poetry writing class in college I wrote a poem about my wife, possibly the most personal and nakedly vulnerable and honest things I’ve ever written, and it was so lovely that my professor and most of the students asked me how long I’d been cheating on my wife.  Apparently (exact words of the professor) “No husband feels this way about his wife.  It’s just not real.”  

So, I found my little red book of love poems today and was not all that surprised at the place red ribbon book marker was holding.  The poem is by far the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read in my life.  To my shock the internet has only one place where it can be found.  This post is in order that I may do my part in making sure that when books fade and crumble then perhaps it might live on a little longer.

Madams and Monsieurs I here lay down upon digital tablets….

A Song of Chang Ching-Yuan Picking Lotus Flowers


Essence of orchids in her tumbled hair, a goddess of Spring.

She takes a swallow hairpin from her nape, loosens coiled tresses.

Under the willows by west gate, near the bridge at dusk,

Moated waters past doorways, dabbled, riffled flow.

A prince of rare talents, visitor to the imperial court,

Shell fittings on his saddle all a-jangle, crosses the spring lane


Dancing effortlessly on an open palm, her sheer skirt,

Tailored shagreen dress, best the colors of spring.

Like wafting smoke embracing the moon, waist one measure round,

Scent of musk and dragon marrow, how lovely, graceful is she!


Clouds like autumn curtains brush the water- fragments of bright movement;

Dew-laden, flowers in profusion, their fragrance unfading.

Mandarin ducks go to an fro on the brimming pond,

‘Midst duckweeds green like tassels, and short lotus stems.


One evening the west wind comes bringing showers,

Scaring, stripping bare the flowers, a melancholy pale red.

Boat prows sever lotus stems, but strands unseen hold fast,

For lotus roots, lotus seeds, preserve a mutual bond. 

His heart is like the moon, a moon not yet on the wane,

Clear, bright and full of mid-month days.


Wen Ting-Yun (813-870)

Trans. William R. Schultz


So, there you have it.  






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Episode 38: The Sousaphone of Chronological Distance


"Mommy, can I re-enact Chernobyl in the basement?"


Ahoy me hearties!  This be the tale of two scurvy landlubbers that sailed the seven internets in search of ‘idden treasures.  Aye, they found a fair few for their efforts, but rare indeed were those fine baubles when matched against the overwhelming tide of bilge they ‘ad to muck about in.  If ye only knew the ‘orrors they witnessed in their quest it would surely put ye off breakfast for a fortnight!

Today they be generous enough to share wit’ all you deck-dogs a fine trove indeed!  10 bonny links the like of which ye’ve ne’er seen…and if ye ‘ave seen ’em then keep your mouth shut about it and play along anyway if ye know whats good for ya!

Thee Links of William “Pignut” Paidion

Nintendo 3DS drops it’s price… what it should have been in the FIRST place

Anyone want to buy a Chinese kid or three?

Ohio:  Birthplace of awesome!

You sunk my Battleship™ !

Flowerpot Fridge

Thee Links of James “Jolthead” Nocturusrex

New York:  Legislating your life to infinity and beyond!

A sentence so full of WIN it almost doesn’t need a link:  Bruce Lee playing ping-pong using Nunchucks!

Outdoor Gear, the pointless and the nifty.


The Can-Can as only ZELDA can!


This is all old news, but I guess it’s been fermenting in the ‘draft’ queue long enough.  If anyone happens to find this message and wants to see some more schlockingly good links please leave a comment and I’ll see what I can do.   ~J

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Filed under Austerity, Show Notes, That's Fancy, Twiternship

Son, I am disappoint

Due to technical difficulties the much anticipated anniversary show did not take place quite as planned. It started off well enough, but the internets conspired against us to thwart our genius. Again.
We will attempt to complete our mission at a yet to be determined date and time. Until then please enjoy the linkage and feel free to express your rage in the comments.

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This level of awesome makes it hard for me to breathe...

Tonight’s episode marks a significant anniversary in the annals of Culture Schlock.  A year ago this week (363 days ago) we began a project that Will & I (James) have been contemplating for many, many years.  The exact nature of the project has changed multiple times since it’s inception, but our desire to collaborate on something has been a longstanding dream.  Long ago, in those primeval days when there was no such thing as a “podcast,” I seem to remember a plan to self-publish an underground -zine inspired by a concept album we were obsessed with at the time.  *Sigh* Those were the days.

To continue our trip down amnesia lane we present to you a selection of our favorite links from the past year.  I thought about not posting anything and making you (our loyal fans) play “find the random link,” but I decided to play nice…this time.

10 Awesome Links We Love

Shock my taters, please

Problem with your blackberry?


Arcade Fire

Ye Olde Time Travel Mart

In the war between bears and duct tape. duct tape wins again!

Steampunk World’s Fair!

Feelin’ Manly?

Blow those drowners out of the water!

Star Wars the musical

Ready for a little schlock?  Then enjoy the schlockiest schlock we’ve consumed this year!

Cleavage Caddy, OOoo Chair

BOTDF  <– STILL refuse to link to this drek!

Red Riding Hood, Operation Endgame

Twilight, Dust

Dead Like Me

A million thank-you’s to all our fans!  Hope you enjoy the show!

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Episode 36b: We’re Gonna Parameter You in the Paradigm Until You Synergize

Mess With Texas!

I know a number of you have probably already died from sheer anticipation at this point.  The rest of you may be on the verge of total mental collapse, but I want to reassure you:  The Schlock is back with a vengeance!  …I’m not really sure who or what will taste our glorious retribution, but we’re about to kick this pig!

 Paidion says, “Your mom.

Billboard o’ lawsuits

Operation Cupcake FTW!

Behold the power of photoshop

Ready for a mind-twisting good time?

Pakistani Starfleet!


Nocturnusrex says, “For customer service go somewhere else.

Teenager actually doing something useful!

Inexplicable yet strangely soothing

Stickpage.  That is all.


Josh Garrels

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Episode 36a: Part One in a Two-Part Series Exploring the Dichotomy of Amish Tech Support

For your abbreviated enjoyment we now present a few links from our most recent excursion into the dark underbelly of the intertubes.  While “dark underbelly” undoubtedly sounds a little ominous, let me assure you that the underbelly we’ve been exploring is mostly ticklish and smells of parmesan cheese.  Underbelly.

It was deeply aggravating to have our show cut off before we really got ramped up.  It could be attributed to simple technical difficulties.  However, a much more likely scenario is that the army of “Beliebers” is actively sabotaging any critics of his new “Someday” parfum (Yes, this is not a typo).  We at the Schlock refuse to endorse anything so mind-numbingly heinous, so instead please enjoy this lovely painting found whilst browsing the fine arts.

This is a painting of a flower.

Parfum D’oh Paidion

I wonder if these Divorce Cakes taste bitter…

Social Curation?  More like social BOREation! LOL AM I RIGHT?!?!

Nocturnusrex de toilette 

The “Green-washing” movement is a lot like the biodegradable products they push:  overly gassy.

Circular saw blade slingshot.  A new and exciting way to maim your friends!

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Filed under Global Warming, Greenwashing, Show Notes, Social Cleansing

Episode 35: We have to stop meeting like this.

Frightening Proximity of the Past

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