Category Archives: Cyberpunk

cyberpunk is dead. long live steampunk!

Episode 32: In which Paidion and Nocturnusrex set out to lance an turgid boil.

Today it is your extraordinary good fortune to have the opportunity to be the first to catch a sneak-peek of our upcoming movie.  Okay, there hasn’t been any actual filming, but here is the script we wrote* for your perusal.  Okay, we aren’t done with the script, this is as far as we’ve gotten, but it is guaranteed to be chock-full of awesome and we’re giving you an exclusive look into the creative genius that is Culture Schlock!!

ARAC ATTACK

FADE IN:

EXT. DESERT – NIGHT

A rabbit hops across the rough terrain.

EXT. HIGHWAY (DESERT)  –  NIGHT

Three trucks from Chemical Technologies carry barrels of toxic waste.  They pass a sign:  PROSPERITY, NEVADA, POP 454.

INT. THIRD TRUCK (HIGHWAY, DESERT)  – NIGHT

A sleepy trucker called PIG PEN drives the third truck.

SELF-HELP TAPE (V.O.)

I will be self-assured and confident around women

PIG PEN

“I will be self-assured and confident around women.”

EXT. HIGHWAY (DESERT)  –  NIGHT

The rabbit stops at the edge of the road.  The first truck speeds past.  Then the second.  The rabbit crosses the highway in front of the third.

INT.  THIRD TRUCK (HIGHWAY, DESERT)  –  NIGHT

SELF-HELP TAPE (V.O.)

I will not fear the unexpected.

PIG PEN

“I will not fear the unexpected.”

The rabbit appears in the road, frozen by headlights™.

PIG PEN

Ahhhhhhhhhh!”

Pig Pen jams on his brakes and swerves to avoid the bunny.

EXT. HIGHWAY (DESERT)  –  NIGHT

The truck slews crazily. Missing the bunny by a whisker.

INT. THIRD TRUCK (BRIDGE, DESERT)  –  NIGHT

Pig Pen sees a bridge ahead.  If he doesn’t regain control, he will crash.  At the last second, he gets the rig together.

EXT. BRIDGE (DESERT)  – THIRD TRUCK  –  NIGHT

The rim of the a wheel tags the curb.  One of those toxic waste barrels falls out of the back and plunges to the water below.

EXT. DRAINAGE DITCH  –  NIGHT

A biohazard warning label is legible as the barrel slips beneath the surface.  Glowing toxic waste seeps from a gash in its side.  Spreading through the pool like a neon ink.

*Note:  We didn’t actually write this script, just made some minor modifications for entertainment purposes only (please don’t sue us).  Also, bonus points for the first person to leave a comment with the actual title of this film.

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Filed under Austerity, Cyberpunk, Show Notes, That's Fancy, Twenty-Eleven, Twiternship

Episode 31: 31 Flavors of Fail

Ladies and jellyspoons: I stand before you to sit behind you to tell you something I know nothing about. Next Thursday, which is Good Friday, there’s a Mother’s meeting for fathers only; Please come if you can’t; if you can, stay at home. Admission is free, pay at the door; bring your own seat and sit on the floor. This evening you have the distinct pleasure of sampling some of our newest fail-errific flavors from deep within the freezers of Nox & Paidion where the snozzberries taste like snozzberries! Click and lick anything that looks luscious for your very own free sample. Enjoy!

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Strawberry Cheesecake [] Obsolete Daiquiri Ice [] Rainbow Sherbet [] Nutty Coconut [] Elf-Ears Jubilee [] Olde Timey Chocolate Mousse Royale [] Gold Medal Ribbon [] Pistachio Undead Almond [] Peanut Butter ’n Chocolate [] Rocky Road [] Community Funded Almond Fudge [] Old Fashioned Butter Pecan [] Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough [] Pseudo-Magic Strawberry [] Pralines ’n Cream [] Chocolate Chip [] Defaced Dollars ’n Cream [] Chocolate [] Mint Chocolate Unreasonable Search Chip [] Vanilla [] Cotton Candy[] Engineering Potion #31 [] Pink Bubblegum [] Euthanasia Raisin [] Creole Cream Cheese [] Black Walnut [] Lemon Busted [] Oregon Blackberry [] Mississippi Mud [] Banana Nut Deathwish [] Fudge Brownie


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Filed under Cyberpunk, Show Notes, That's Fancy, Twenty-Eleven

Episode 30: 30-Seconds to Mediocrity

Attn: My Dear Paidion & Nocturnusrex,

I am Mr. Steve Martin, I am a US citizen, 48 years Old. I reside here in New

York City. My residential address is as follows. 160 Central Park South,

New York United States and my Tel Number is REDACTED, I am one of those

that took part in the Compensation in Nigeria many years ago and they

refused to pay me, I had paid over $50,000 while in the US, trying to get

my payment all to no avail.

So I decided to travel to WASHINGTON D.C with all my compensation

documents, And I was directed by the ( F B I) Director to contact Mr. David

Later, who his a representative of the ( F B I ) and a member of the

COMPENSATION AWARD COMMITTEE, currently in Nigeria.and I contacted him and

he explained everything to me. He said whoever is contacting us through

emails are fake.

He took me to the paying bank for the claim of my Compensation payment.

Right now I am the most happiest man on earth because I have received my

compensation funds of $15 Million Us Dollars Moreover, Mr. David Later,

showed me the full information of those that are yet to receive their

paymentsand I saw your name as one of the beneficiaries, and your email

address, that is why I decided to email you to stop dealing with those

people, they are not with your fund, they are only making money out of you.

I will advise you to contact Mr. David Later.

You have to contact him directly on this information below.

COMPENSATION AWARD HOUSE
Name : Arcade Fire
Email: schlocking@gmail.com
Telephone Number: REDACTED

You really have to stop dealing with those people that are contacting you

and telling you that your fund is with them, it is not in anyway with them,

they are only taking advantage of you and they will dry you up until you

have nothing.

The only money I paid after I met Mr. David Later was just $390 for the

paper works, take note of that.

Once again stop contacting those people, I will advise you to contact Mr.

David Later so that he can help you to Deliver your fund instead of dealing

with those liars that will be turning you around asking for different kind

of money to complete your transaction.

Thank You and Be Blessed.

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Filed under Austerity, Cyberpunk, Show Notes, Social Cleansing, That's Fancy, Twenty-Eleven

28 Episodes Later

Quick and dirty.  Been quite a day.  Enjoy the show!!!

 

Paidion

Stupid, deadly ways to get high!

Did you know pearls dissolve in vinegar?

Crazy-cool, interactive music video!

Old People Talking Tech…or…something

Dick Tracy 2020

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Nocturnusrex

Mr. Bean Dubstep

The Angry Birds have much to teach us

…und Bill Clinton spielt das Sax

I actually like 2 of these, but the Beibs ain’t it!

…wow…just…wow. I am stupider for having watched this.  Fail of the…fail of the…seriously brian dammejed

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Filed under Austerity, Cyberpunk, Show Notes